Trusting the Process

Universe, I’m trusting you. Here’s what I want. An immune system and meds that are smarter than this cancer. Doctors that pay attention and care. An abundance of healthy foods. Sunshine on the hard days. Love all around me. A positive mindset. Time for rest. Healing. Patience. Soul Lessons. More time on this planet. And world peace. I Trust. It’s all on its way.

As an update, I have just finished my first month of targeted chemotherapy. Three weeks on, one week off. The first two weeks were a breeze. Not one single side effect, except a little tiredness. Enter week three, which I am now referring to as ‘bitch week’. At the beginning of week 3, I was sitting in the grass in shorts. The next morning I noticed a small red mark on my butt, assuming it was a bug bite. Over the next three days it swelled to the size of a baseball. My doc put me on antibiotics, which my body responded to with hives. Fun! Then, fever, chills and night sweats landed me in the ER. Pumped full of more antibiotics, lots of testing, and sent home to rest. My White Blood Count was 1.6, normal healthy is between 4.0 and 11.0.

What I now know, and hope I can count on, is that I need to look ahead at week three (bitch week) and plan ahead to have more down time, less on the calendar, stay away from bugs, and probably people. I am now in week 4, the week off all meds, and I feel like a million bucks. I’m healthy, I have gained back the 5 pounds I lost, my skin is glowing, and I have a ton of energy. Knock on freakin’ wood!

One of the lessons of this cancer journey is learning to trust. Trust this breath, and its life giving oxygen. Trust that the meds are doing the work of outsmarting the cancer. Trust in my doctors and the standard of care. Trust in the timing. Trust the yoga. Trust the process. Trust. The Universe is conspiring.